


Chill Out, Hansen!

by missity



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Connor IS The Squip, Crossover, Evan gets a squip, F/F, M/M, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, The Connor Project
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 15:05:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14771934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missity/pseuds/missity
Summary: Evan Hansen, a teenager with severe social anxiety, hears of a new experimental anxiety medication from his best friend Jared Kleinman. But due to a stressful event during its implantation, the Squip ends up corrupted, taking on the form and personality of his newly dead classmate





	Chill Out, Hansen!

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS SO DUMB AND BAD IM SOrRY BUT I WANTED TO SHARE SO TAKE MY GARBAGE AND ENJOY IT

The school buzzed to life as the bell rang out the end of a period. The halls were almost instantly full and chatter became deafening as students moved towards the cafeteria. Among the mass of teenagers, one youth stood out among the others as he navigated the halls in a much less boisterous fashion then his peers. His name was Evan Hansen, a taller boy with blond hair and at this very moment in time, a broken arm. He reached his locker and relaxed slightly as he turned his back to the crowds. His nerves, while high, were nowhere near as bad when he managed to tune out the discord of passing periods. He set his backpack on the floor between the locker and himself and began emptying the textbooks from his backpack into the mostly empty locker. He instead replaced their weight with his laptop and lunch. Once he was finished he guided his locker shut, donned his backpack, and made his way to the schools outdoor seating area.

 

Once he was settled into one of the tables closer to the building, he set up his laptop and took out his lunch. He enjoyed being outside, even in the overcast Oregon weather. It was much better than being inside, stuffed into an overcrowded room of sweaty screaming classmates. He pulled up his facebook and began responding to the messages he’d gotten while he was in class as he bit into a piece of cold leftover pizza. The most recent from his mom was simply a check in, asking if he’d begun his therapy assignment along with a few words of encouragement. He sent a short reply the explain that he’d start as soon as possible and left it at that. He moved on to the second message, a group message sent out by his classmate Alana Beck about pre-calc homework that was due today.

 

Just as he was about to close his tab and begin his letter a new message popped up. The name was Jared Kleinman, a family friend who Evan suspected talked to him out of pity. Evan opened the message, not really sure what to expect. ‘Hey, I heard you broke your arm.’ Evan was caught off guard by the message, yet almost relieved to finally explain what happened to someone. ‘Yeah. I fell out of a tree while i was doing an internship over the summer.’ He typed his response quickly and sent it with the same speed in fear of losing the other boys attention. ‘You fell out of a tree??’ and Evan thought for a moment that the text was out of concern, until a second message appeared. ‘What are you, an acorn?’ His stomach dropped a bit, but he should’ve expected this. Jared was never someone to show genuine concern. Sometimes Evan debated just cutting Jared off, he didn't really need him in his life. But the fear of being completely alone, just another face in the background, was enough to make him stay. When he took a moment to respond, a third message popped onto the screen. ‘Meet my at my locker, I’ve gotta tell you something. SUPER IMPORTANT’ Evan read over the text before looking longingly at his half eaten pizza. He sighed but obeyed, packing up his lunch and his laptop so he could see what the fuss was about.

 

Jared stood, leaning against his locker, waiting for Evan with a look he knew would soon morph into annoyance. Luckily Evan got there before the transformation could be made. Jared was average in height, with thick glasses and short brown hair. He spoke with utmost confidence. He knew what he wanted to say and he knew how he wanted to deliver it. “There you are, I’ve been waiting for like- 10 minutes!” Evan felt a wave of guilt begin to rise in his stomach. “Sorry- I ran into my 3rd period and he was asking me about my biology homework…” Jared made a face that lead Evan to a harsh conclusion. Jared didn't believe him. The guilt was building, winding like a spring in his stomach. In the silence he found anything but comfort, it was almost overwhelming. Finally Jared broke the silence, “Yeah, okay, so guess what I found?” Evan tilted his head in confusion, furrowing his brows at Jared’s inquiry. “You’ve got anxiety right? You freak out about stuff?” That caught Evan off guard, what could he possibly be on about that had to do with his anxiety? He couldn’t figure it out, the answer to his question evaded him so he continued in hopes of getting it out of him eventually. “I guess? Why?” Jared smirked and glanced around the room before leaning in more towards Evan and hushing his voice a bit. 

 

“There's this new pill, it’s from Japan. It’s called a Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor, SQUIP for short. It’s this quantum computer that goes up into your brain, and it’s supposed to be a cure-all for awkwardness, anxiety, and general social idiocy. You fit the bill, yeah Hansen?” He found this remark slightly insulting, but didn't say a word of it. It would be easier to avoid conflict if he didn't say anything. “Um… yeah? I mean, I guess so…” Jared grinned. He looked like a dog who had just gotten a very large hunk of steak dropped right in front of his nose. “Perfect, I know a guy who can hook you up, I met him at camp. He charges twenty bucks plus a service fee which is only like another ten. But you only need one so it’s fine.” Evan shook his head in a mix of shock and disbelief. When had he agreed to this? Had he said yes to it at any point during their conversation? “Um- I didn't say yes-? This sounds kind of dangerous… What if it’s a dud? I don’t want to waste my money. Or it could kill me- if it works so well why isn't it more popular? Why haven't I heard of it?” Jared frowned at him almost condescendingly. “Evan don’t be a pussy, you have a chance to not be a freak and you should take it. If you’re so concerned, I’ll pay for it. Seriously, Evan.” 

 

The guilt hit Evan like a brick. He felt like the waves had spilled out his mouth and created the ocean that he was currently drowning in. He felt awful for his reservations about the ‘SQUIP’. Jared heard something that made him think of Evan and he’d shown nothing but disinterest and hesitancy. “Alright- I didn't mean I’m not interested- of course I’m interested I was just skeptical. I’m sorry.” He backpedaled as fast as possible, watching Jared’s face. Jared softened slightly but with traces of stubborness, Evan assumed he was debating whether to let him back out of his skepticism. “Alright, I’ll pick you up on friday and we’ll meet up with my friend?” Evan nodded, resigning himself to being Jared’s guinea pig. 

 

Jared and Evan walked side by side down the hallway towards their next class. They had been encompassed by a deafening silence that Evan couldn’t seem to break. They were getting closer to their class when Jared did something that made Evan want to dig a hole in the linoleum under their feet and bury himself in it. “Hey Connor! I’m digging the new hair length- very ‘School Shooter Chic’!” Evan had seen the boy, apparently named Connor, that Jared had shouted at. He was the one who’d thrown a printer at a teacher in grade school. He’d never spoken to him, and had quite frankly forgotten his name, but he definitely knew of him. He was a bit shorter than Jared and had chestnut brown hair that hung down to his shoulders. Evan noticed the tight grip he had on his shoulder bag, the poor strap looked well worn around the area he was currently squeezing like a cobra squeezed its lunch.

 

Jared and Connor were locked in a staring contest that neither seemed to know how to end. After a few seconds that had been stretched out to eternities Jared finally spoke. “I was just… kidding. It was a joke.” He made it sound like it was painfully obvious, and it kind of had been, but the way he phrased it simply came off rude. But Connor didn’t flinch, and he rebounded, completely unphased. “Yeah, no, it was funny. I’m laughing, can’t you tell?” Then Connors face changed, he looked upset, but it was quickly shifting to anger. The type of anger that made Evan want to run in the other direction like a deer evading a hungry Lion. “Am I not laughing hard enough for you?” He spat aggressively. Jared stared at him for a moment before he shot back. “You’re a freak,” Jared turned away and walked towards their next class.

 

Evan felt like he’d been turned to stone by the events that had just transpired. He stared blankly at Connor for a moment, going over what had just happened in his head. Had Jared really said that? It was a few seconds before Evan realized Connor was staring right back at him. He attempted to speak but didn't really know what to say, causing it to come out as a very short and quiet jumble of sounds. Suddenly Connor’s stance changed. His face darkened and his shoulders moved back like every atom in his body was telling him to run away. “What the fuck are you laughing at?” Connor half yelled, becoming more aggressive by the second. Evan attempted to find the words to tell him he wasn't laughing and he didn't think that it was funny but the confrontation simply turned it to another quiet mumble. “Stop fucking laughing at me! You think I’m a freak?” Evan noticed Connor was beginning to move towards him. “I’m not the freak! You’re the fucking freak!” Before Evan could process what was happening fully he was on the floor. Connor bolted away towards the boys bathroom somewhere in the distance behind Evan, leaving him on the floor looking very dazed. Evan got up and looked around at the crowd that had gathered around the boys to watch what was happening. He began to sweat as the claustrophobia set it, but the bell rang for their next class which offered him a quick escape route into his nearby classroom.

 

A few periods had passed before Evan had a full understanding of all that had happened throughout his day. He knew the SQUIP should be what hung in the forefront of his mind but he couldn’t get Connor's face out of the way. He sat on the sidelines of his P.E. class, watching the aforementioned boy who hung on the other side of the gym next to the rock climbing wall. He hadn’t been excused from class as Evan had but he still managed to avoid participation while going unnoticed. Evan starred as Connor clung to the sidelines of the gym, taking in small details he hadn't noticed about him before. For example, every day in P.E. Connor put his hair up into a ponytail, but Evan had never noticed the small shaved section on the nape of his neck. How had he known this boy almost all his life but never noticed these things about him, or even remembered his name.

 

Evan was dragged from his daydreaming by a somewhat sweaty and very grumpy Jared Kleinman. Jared slid down onto the wall next to him and let out a sigh of exhaustion as he began to clean his glasses on his shirt. “Youre so lucky, you don't have to deal with Mr.Hayward yelling at you until you get that thing off. Smart move, breaking your arm and all.” Evan simply shrugged. “I mean, I didn’t do it on purpose, I fell.” Jared rolled his eyes and put his glasses back on as Evan spoke. “Come on Evan, learn to take a joke.” Evan wasn't really sure how to respond so he let the conversation fall into silence, listening to the cacophony that was gym class and letting his eyes wander back to Connor. Jared followed Evans gaze to their classmate, then got up and let out an agitated huff as he went back to the class’s activity. “Whatever, later Evan.” Evan was jogged back to reality again as Jared left. “Oh! Sorry… bye.” Jared either hadn't heard him or had just ignored him so Evan allowed himself to trail off. What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he get his mind off of Connor? He shook his head and tried to focus on the SQUIP

 

The school bell rang for the final time that day, and Evan was already at his locker emptying his bag of the books he wouldn't need for homework. Once he had them stacked in his locker he added his abandoned lunch and laptop into the mix and headed off for the computer lab. As he made his accent up the stairs to the second floor, his phone rang in his pocket and made him stop for a moment to answer as to avoid bumping into other students. “Hello?” Evan said hesitantly, but his nerves died when his mother's voice chirped back at him. “Hey hunny, I was just wondering how your day went!” Evan smiled a bit, his mother bugged him a lot but he knew it was because she cared. “It was fine, I’m heading to the computer lab to print up my letter right now.” He could practically hear her beaming from the other side of the phone as he answered. “Thats awesome sweetie! I have to get back to work, but how about tonight I try to get off early so we can have dinner together?” Evan didn’t necessarily want to but he didn't have the heart to tell her otherwise. “I guess…” He heard a voice in the background of the other line, but his mother spoke just as exuberantly as she had before. “Great, I’ll see you tonight, I love you!” The line died just as Evan began to speak, but he still let out a faltering “Love you too…” before putting his phone away and continuing towards the computer lab.

 

He entered the computer lab and set his backpack on the ground beside him as he started up one of the computers. The room was silent aside from the whirring of the computer tower, Evan looked around as he waited for the poor old computer, probably tired after years of teenage abuse. Once the computer was finally ready he pulled up Microsoft Word and began to type out his letter

‘Dear Evan Hansen,’

He paused, staring at the words and sighing to himself. He wanted so badly to spill his onset feelings of hopelessness onto the page, and finally gave in despite his better judgement.

‘Turns out this wasn’t an amazing day after all. This isn’t going to be an amazing week or an amazing year, because why would it be? 

I know, because there’s Zoe, and all my hope is pinned on Zoe, who I don’t even know, and doesn’t know me. Maybe if I could just talk to her. Maybe nothing would be different at all. I wish everything was different. 

I wish I was part of something. I wish that anything I said mattered to anyone. I mean face it, would anyone notice if I just disappeared tomorrow? 

Sincerely, 

Your most best, and dearest friend, Me’

 

He hit print and leaned his head down, looking at the beat up wood of the computer desk. He began to zone out, getting lost in a world of his own thoughts, when someone startled him out of it. “So… what happened to… your arm?” He jumped slightly and looked to see Connor, the last person he expected to be on the other side of that query, looking down at him with the friendliest and most awkward expression he’d ever seen the boy wear.  “I uh, I fell… out of a tree.” Evan answered with a rivaling awkwardness, he began wringing the bottom of his shirt as he took in Connor’s face up close. He was noticing now that he has very light eyes, they were a dull grey blue color but when he wasn't scowling they added a little bit of light to his face. He smiled a bit, shooting back what Evan saw as a miserable attempt at a joke. “Well that is just the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.” Connor added in a small laugh to accompany his ‘joke’.

 

The two stood in silence, letting the conversation fall flat before Connor could work up the courage to bring up another topic. “Um.. no one’s, uh… signed your cast.” Evan broke his gaze off of Connor to look down at his stark white cast, blank of signatures as Connor had just made note of. “Oh.. oh, I know.” Evan replied quietly, feeling a little self conscious and even more awkward as the conversation continued. Connor replied so hastily Evan almost mistook it for eagerness “Well, I’ll sign it.” Evan kept his eyes on his cast as he replied. “Oh, you don’t have to.” Connor was absolutely unphased by the chance to back out. He was quiet for a moment before he pushed on again. “Do you uh… have a sharpie?” Evan pulled a sharpie out of his pocket and quickly handed it to Connor, almost stumbling on air but managing to hold himself steady. Connor took the sharpie and tugged on Evan’s cast rather harshly, he heard a wince and a soft “Ow” and recoiled immediately. Evan watched Connor scan his face for signs of pain, he looked like he was about to say something but ducked back down and scribbled his name in large letters across the plaster cast. Connor leaned back, as if to admire his handiwork. As he handed the sharpie back Connor spoke again, which took Evan almost by surprise. “Well, now we can both pretend like we have friends.”

 

After a moment of silence, Evan turned to gather his things and leave, but Connor drew him back yet again. “Um, is this yours? I saw it on the printer, it’s uh… ‘Dear Evan Hansen,’ that’s your name, right?” Evan didn't understand why Connor was trying so hard to keep him there, to keep talking to him, but it made half of him want to stay more than ever. This was his chance, he could make a friend aside from Jared. Although he wasn't even really sure Jared counted as a friend. Connor began to scan the letter and suddenly everything sank down to the spiraling black hole of dread in his stomach. “Oh that’s mine, its nothing it was just an assignment if you’d just give it back please-” Evan stopped as he watched all the friendliness wash off of Connor’s face. “Uh.. is this about my sister?” Evan could almost see Connor building his walls back up as he spit up word vomit, trying to explain himself and resolve the situation. He wasn’t really sure if he was even saying actual words until Connor spoke again

 

When Connor spoke, he spoke very slowly, as if working it through his head as he said it aloud. “You wrote this because you knew I would find it. Yeah, you knew I was the only person in the computer lab so you wrote this so that I would find it and read some creepy shit about my sister, and freak out right?! And then you can tell EVERYBODY, that I’M CRAZY!” Evan was taken aback, and felt the familiar rush of overwhelming guilt as Connor began to yell. He’d ruined everything, he had one chance to make an actual friend and he’d ruined it. He spat out more word vomit in an attempt to calm Connor down and get his letter back but he was far past the point of incoherencey. Connor stormed off, taking the letter with him and leaving Evan alone in the once again empty computer lab.


End file.
